Volunteer extraordinaire and foster mom deluxe Paige composed such a beautiful forum post that I wanted to share. So many of us who foster can identify with this experience. We have all been there at some time. It is these moments that make or break us. For the lucky of us it is these days that fortify our resolve to be the difference we want to see in the world.

Thank you Paige!

Today was probably one of the most humiliating days in my life. One of those days you look back on, like entrance exam days, or your first driver’s test day, or similar experiences, where you just hope the earth opens up and swallows you whole, so you don’t have to own up to the emotions fraught from the experience, whatever it is.

Today Bishop had his first group obedience class. It was an abysmal failure, from an obedience perspective. There were 8 dogs in class, including Bishop. Forget his constant whining. Forget his complete lack of focus on me, the giver of all food and master of all treats. Forget his exploding leash clasp that allowed him freedom to charge the small beagle female roughly 1/16 his size and attached to a rightly so hysterical beagle owner. Nevermind that we already know he is not DA–we’ve now discovered he has an unbelievably strong prey drive. Of particular humor to me (which, in case the depressing sarcasm is not coming through clearly, is of no humor whatsoever) is that Bishop could not care less about chasing toys. Apparently Bishop likes his prey to be alive and moving, to kick in his genetically-determined drive to hunt. Thankfully he did not even slobber on the little female, much less lay a heavy one on the kisser. I don’t think he actually touched her at all, which should not detract from the seriousness of the situation.

So here I am, at home, surrounded (literally) by 287lbs. of pit bull, distributed unevenly over 4 bodies. I look at them slumbering in complete innocence, trusting each other and me enough to relax into feet-in-the-air snoring. Where did I go wrong? Why is Bishop, so trusting and open here at the house, such a different dog in a class? Have we not been together long enough, for his security in me to extend to a new environment? Where was the trust? Where did all my skills as an owner and foster parent, go? Was I kidding myself, that I thought I knew what I was doing with such a powerful pooch? The sober answer may be, yes.

Let me tell you, fellow Forum Readers, this was a “Come to Jesus” experience. I figured I have two options: I could ignore the reality that Bishop is not ready for the big bad world at my side, and chalk the experience up to a one time event, and never venture forth with him in public again, until he is adopted. Or, I could recognize that I have skilled, experienced rescue people around me like Rachel, Beth, Lara, and of course Tiffany, to help Bishop understand the world is a great and exciting place with a fair and loving hand on the other end of the leash.
With the help of some high quality wine, I leaned briefly towards keeping Bishop’s issues, whatever they are, to myself, and marching forward to his future family without a blip on his radar. But my sober side is nagging at me, and I know (even in a grape haze) that I will do whatever is best for Bishop. That means, I know I will go back into that same ring with him. I will challenge his distractions, his demons, and his desires, head on. We will work on whatever we need to, to make him the best he can possibly be, for that forever family that is out there waiting for him. He is a great dog. He deserves my best. The least I can do, is give it to him.

Filed under: Foster Updates